Sometimes i sit here and wonder , was i not good enough ? What is wrong with me ? Am i too much ? A girl always has insecurities but when there boyfriend breaks up with them that's when we question EVERYTHING. At least i know that's what i do. I'm not gonna tell you my name but i am going to tell you everyday whats going on in my life and how I'm overcoming things. As you know by the title , i am . 18, Single & pregnant. I guess i should start with how this happened. It all started when i had a huge crush with the guy (we will call him Zach). I had the BIGGEST crush on him in high school, well he had a girlfriend all throughout high school so who wants to mess with that? he would always text me but i never even bothered. Well it was the night of my birthday June 26 , and i was turning 18. I had just bought my first black and mild & received a text from him , so what did i do ? i went and saw him AT the waffle house. i had butterfly's and everything. it was the first time in two years that i had felt this strong about someone.So we talked, and eventually dated , & then moved in together. it makes me cry when i write this because i think of all the good times. i think of all the times he told me i made him the happiest person ever & that his friends cold tell he was happy. Everything was so carefree. but then the fights start and then you breakup. I did the thing all girls do when they break up with there boyfriends, GO CRAZY. I started talking to different guys , partying, drinking & all those things. then he weaseled his way back in , i ended up moving in with him and is friend chad, we lived together for at least another 3 months. Then when things got crazy at chads, we left and moved in with his parents. I guess i thought things were going so good that he would never break up with me but boy was i wrong, we broke up sometime in the middle of April, I'm gonna guess and say April 17. SO now to how i found out i was pregnant. It was the 23rd of April and i hadn't started my period yet that month. So i decided to go to every things a dollar a get two pregnancy test. I came home that night and told my mom that i had bought them so she followed me to the bathroom and watched as i put four drops on the pregnancy test. At first , the first line line showed up , showing negative. I got up and looked for a second time, my mom was already out of the bathroom , i called her back in and told her to look. There was another line showing up. I felt like i was about to have a heart attack. it showed up positive. My mom was shocked, so she told me to go and get some better test. I went to Walgreen's where i met up with my best friend, Ashley. From there we made our way to the baby isle. I picked up a box of three test , i decided to take one at Walgreen's. Surprise , it was positive. I ended up taking two more that night, they were all positive. So my mom told me to wait and take one in the morning. So eventually the next morning came and i took the test, POSITIVE again. So i had taken 5 and they were all positive. My mom called a lot of obgyn's and clinics. They all said that they would just give me a urine test and it was the same as the ones at the store. So we finally found a lab that did pregnancy blood work , to figure out if i was & how far long. We went in that morning and they took one tube of my blood. I had to wait until the next morning to be told the results. i woke up at 8:00 exactly. That's when i was told , you are pregnant. When you get told this you feel like your world is breaking. it truly changes you from then on out. i can't even explain how you feel when you get told those words. All I thought about was, what was Zach going to think ? was he going to change? was he going to want to be with me ? I text him and told him about the blood test & all i got back was "i believe you, but I'm gonna need proof. So i brought him proof , i brought the paper to his house and we talked. He LEGIT told me that he wanted to be with me & make this family work , we ended up going to waffle house and eating and talking more about things. I realized right then and there that i loved this kid more than anything. We had gone through absolutely everything together and now we were going to be together and be parents. I was more than excited. I had started thinking about our life together and how it would be when i had the baby. Well then things started to get rocky. He wouldn't text me for a 4 hours at a time. I knew he was seeing other girls. just to fast fore ward things a little bit. Me and my friends Lindsey & Kaila went bowling then we decided to to creep by Zach's friends house. So we did. We drove up and saw a silver car , it was a junior in high schools car , Kayleen. You have to realize my hormones were out the roof. i walked into the house and caught them having sex. You cant begin to imagine what was going through my head. Hurt, Betrayal, sadness, and everything negative you could possibly think of. From then on out i realized that he wasn't ready to be a dad. As much as he told me he was , he lied. Never trust when a guy says there going to be there for you , truth is most aren't ready for fatherhood. Maybe I'm just being very negative because of the way i was treated, I don't know. All i do know is that i had to go to books a million without him to look at pregnancy books, I had to go to the health clinic and apply for WIC , without him. It sucks. I can truly say that. Now I'm stuck sitting here on my couch in a over sized T-shirt watching 16 and pregnant , trying to find someone who i can relate to. I don't know how I'm going to do this but i do know that i have amazing friends and family that are going to be there for me. I get depressed and wonder if Zach will ever care . I text him on May 6th telling him when the appt is. He text back saying " Okay, Thanks. A few minutes later i got another text saying " I will be there for sure. Just let me know if anything changes. I knew all he wanted me to do was to text him back and let him weasel his way in but I'm not letting him. He also text me yesterday and said "Is everything okay? I'm hearing rumors that you had a miscarriage ? Please let me know if everything is okay." I text back saying "No. Everything is fine" then he said "Okay thanks, You doing okay ?" I replied an said "yeah I'm doing fine. Then he text me and said " that's good to hear, look i know you hate me but I'm still here if you ever want to talk. I didn't reply because he was right. I literally hate and love him with every bone in my body. I want to love him & i want him to be there for me but how do you let in a guy that cheated on you and knew you were pregnant. I know things are going to be hard but I'm going to get through it.
XOXO - Taylor & Baby
